Let’s Play HuniePop! 03

And thus I continue in my quest to get laid.

We’re getting into the meat of the game now, so updates after this one will likely less in-depth, acting mostly as highlight reels.

Anyway, let’s continue. When last we left, I was arriving at the Nutmeg Cafe.


Lola, doubtless needing an energy-boost to maintain concentration on keeping her half-glove things on, is in need of a drink. But the barista is leaving. Lola is very unhappy about this.

Yeesh, calm down lady, service industry jobs are shit. Anyway, Kyu makes a few comments about loving chocolate because this is basically Fetishization: the Game. Then she sends me to talk to Lola, so I am forced to pretend to be a terrible customer to sate her lust for barista blood.


We hit it off due to my deception, when she asks me this:


Now, seeing as I just pretended to be someone I’m not, I decide to atone by just straight-up telling her the truth. For some reason, she seems to think that I’m joking.

Some more small-talk and it’s time for a date!


I’m starting to really enjoy these date puzzles. They are really addictive, but they can also be really fucking hard. Which just feeds into the addiction. This is a devious game.


So I manage to charm Lola with my Candy Crush skills, and we return to the cafe, where I… wait. Did that thing just say “outfit unlocked”?


Holy shit, I can change their clothes and hair??? Do they…? Do they notice this? What sort of power do I hold in my hands with this HunieBee!?

But enough of contemplating my godlike abilities. It’s time to go follow the blue-haired chick.


She’s arguing with her friend at a nightclub. Nikki (blue hair, glasses) is the Token Geek Girl while Audrey (red hair, overly complicated dress) is the Token… well, she’s not really a stock character. She’s a foul-mouth bitchy drug-addict party girl. Token… Hedonist? I don’t know.

The point is, Audrey dragged Nikki to the nightclub, and Nikki is not enjoying herself.


Nikki would rather be cooped up in her room. I feel ya girl.

After Audrey leaves, Kyu expresses doubt in pursuing Nikki.


Um, thanks? In a rare moment, Kyu advises me to be myself. Because myself is a loner loser. I can’t tell if this game is insulting me anymore.

Anyway, I go talk to Nikki and she is uninterested and leaves. But then she returns and apologizes and introduces herself. I think we hit it off OK.


But then I remember that I got a message from Jessie the MILF. She sent me a picture, noting that she loves how her boobs look in the pic.


I do too, Jessie. I do too.

Wait, who was taking that picture?

Anyway, having thoroughly checked out another girl while talking to Nikki, I decide to continue with the small talk with Geeky Girl.


Now, I should really mention the gameplay here. There are little meters at the bottom measuring how much the girl I’m talking to likes me, how drunk she is, and how hungry she is. Girls will refuse to do anything if they’re hungry, so I need to feed them. The problem is, they only accept food that they like and the in-game store only replenishes stock once an in-game day.

Basically what I’m saying is I couldn’t ask Nikki out on a date because I ran out of food. No matter. On to the mall!



And Audrey is throwing a fit at her hair stylist. She’s uh… she’s a keeper this one.

Kyu describes Audrey as a bitch and tells me that I need to be aggressive, forward, and unphased with her. OK?


Surprisingly, being an asshole works. I guess like recognizes like?

In fact, Audrey is no impressed by my supreme douchiness and ability to quote stoner slogans at her, that she quickly falls for me. She asks me what my least favorite part of dating is, and I answer “all of it.” She agrees. We both hate dating.

So naturally we immediately go out on a date.


Oh. I’m gonna make a big deal. Audrey and Me sittin’ in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G…

It’s been real, Audrey, but now I have to follow the woman you were just verbally abusing to the gym.


The hair-stylist (Kyanna) is talking to the Token Schoolgirl Tiffany, who babysits Kyanna’s young son. Kyu advises me to be sweet and sensitive with her. I feel I am spinning a web of deceit to everyone in my life, and I may never be able to escape.



So, breaking news, turns out deception and manipulation don’t make good dates.

After this, I met up with Aiko again because, as I have established, she may be my Waifu. I should explain a bit more about these dating puzzles. You get 20 turns to match up symbols in rows or columns of 3 or more. You can get extra turns by matching up the bells. Every time you match up the circles (representing Sexuality, Flirtation, Talent, and Romance), you get points. Certain circles are worth more points than others depending on the preferences of the girl in question. You succeed in a date by reaching the point goal before you run out of moves. You fail by running out of moves.

I bring this up because, during my date with Aiko, I had a goal of 260 points

I ran out of moves when I have 259.


Anyway, it’s a new day so I can buy sweets for Nikki now. Maybe I’ll have a good time with her.


Hells yeah. My luck is turning around.

Now, I could follow Tiffany. But instead, I think I’ll go to the club and hang out with Jessie.


….Fun fact: the first and last time someone called me that in real life, it was a girl on Tinder who didn’t even realize she’d said it and was super embarrassed after.

Anyway, I talk a bit with Jessie and I learn that she is a porn star. Huh. I also learn that her bra size is 36DD. She was surprisingly forthcoming with that information. Do women usually just tell guys their cup sizes when asked?

Anyway, we decide to go on a date.


OK, two things: 1) what. and 2) is the bunny suit just her default dating attire? I mean, I could sort of see the justification in the casino, but here by the lake? Why?

Whatever. I end up succeeding in my date with Jessie. Looks like she is the woman I’m having the most success with.


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